Those Perfect Words

Here she goes again. She smiled and I melted like an ice cream in the middle of summer's burning sun. I unconsciously smiled too, though I have no idea what she's smiling about.

If I could just tell her how much I hated myself everytime I was with her, bearing the agony of losing the perfect words to finally admit that I've been in love with her the moment she said "Hello" was pretty much torture.

It's been five years ago when we first met. We were both incoming first year college students and were unfortunately lost as to where to get our schedules. Out of innocence, she took my hand, held it, as we strode together to find what we were looking for.

Little did she know that I never wanted to let her go. If she only knew how much I wanted to freeze that moment when somebody finally took notice of me.

She wasn't the most beautiful girl I've met, but man, she's the only one who've made my heart forget it's sole purpose. And I'm not goodlooking either - but she never failed to make me feel at par with Brad Pitt.

And now, I'm staring at her as she clings for dear life. Tubes were everywhere - and everytime I see the respirator pumped, it was as if my breaths were in sync with the device that gives her a chance to live another day.

I've heard about her condition three days ago after her bestfriend called me up crying, couldn't utter the sad news that the girl I've been secretly in love with was dying due to a freak car accident.

I came to her side the moment I ended the call. Her parents cried as soon as they saw me, seeing in me how things were used to be.

I sat beside her, as my hands reached for hers, now motionless, frigid and lifeless. I can barely stand looking at her - my heart broke into a gazillion pieces as I remembered the moments she made my day.

I looked away, as tears fell from my sorry eyes. Then a familiar notebook on her sidetable caught my attention. I instinctively took it and read all her entries as flashbacks set in, making me remember every detail of our lives.

With tears flowing out of my eyes, I stood up, reached for her, and kissed her cold forehead as I said with all my heart's honesty -

"I love you too, my darling Clare..."

Then, her tired heart stopped from beating, as if she was just waiting for me to tell her those perfect words she had been longing to hear...